


Enemies Who Sometimes Kiss

by Drakey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hate, Implied Hate Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9636773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakey/pseuds/Drakey
Summary: I... I don't even know. It's like... hateslash? Like, they hate each other, but... I dunno.Harry and Draco are trapped in a cave together. They reminisce about how much they hate each other.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There's a line in Patch Adams where Robin Williams tries to get the female lead to define their relationship. He asks if they're just "friends who sometimes kiss."
> 
> I've had that sort of relationship before, but the opposite arrangement, one of enemies who definitely hate each other but will occasionally share a snog, amuses me.

"Potter, would you hold still for one..."

Draco growled in frustration as Potter winced and pulled away from his hands for the fifth time. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"I understand that you are a sorry excuse for an auror, but knowing it doesn't keep you still. If you continue to writhe like an imbecile, I'll stun you and treat you like that." Draco moved his hands up Potter's arm again, and again Potter cringed. Draco squeezed the other man's arm. "Hold _the fuck_ still, Potter!"

Potter held still, probably largely out of shock. Draco pulled, hard, on his arm and smirked just a little when it made a horrible cracking noise. Potter yelled wordlessly. He'd been covered with a thin sheen of sweat before, but now tears were added to it, and the sweat itself was renewed. The broken arm now set, Draco ran a healing charm over it, then reached for the little healer's kit he'd kept on his person for the last three weeks. He handed Potter the bone-knitting potion. "Be glad it's not Skele-Gro."

Potter drank down a swig. "How long have you had the healer's kit?"

"Well, there was this one day when an auror waltzed into my shop and announced that he needed to work with a potions expert. Given that it was the worst auror in the world, I thought it might be prudent to be prepared. And look!" Draco gestured around, smiling like something about their situation was amusing. "I was right! That idiot auror got me trapped in a _cave_ in a _DRAGON SANCTUARY_ under a _FUCKING ANTI-APPARATION JINX WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU POTTER!"_

Potter sighed. "I thought we would be fine."

Draco leaned forward. "Well, your first mistake was the part where you thought. See, you're particularly bad at that, and it's kind of infuriating."

Potter rolled his eyes. "Like you think everything through so well."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Potter smirked. Draco hated it when Potter smirked. Potter wasn't allowed to smirk. Smirking was Draco's thing. "Yule Ball," Potter said, and fuck him straight to hell, it was a well-made point.

+----+

This was a bad idea. Every Slytherin in the school would be able to figure it out, but at this point, Draco didn't even care anymore. Every time he and Potter began to yell at each other, whatever the stupid little git was saying turned to mud in his ears and he could only watch the other boy's mouth move.

Potter wasn't even attractive. He was uncharming, unapproachable, unlikable, unintelligent, unsuitable, and even unlucky. Just Draco's luck he was unignorable. Always had been. So he ambushed him outside and was sort of vaguely surprised when Potter responded to being snogged rudely and without warning with the sort of game enthusiasm most people reserved for kissing a long-established partner. He leaned back on the bench and looked into bright green eyes. "Merlin, I want to hex you right now," Draco said.

"Yeah, me too," Potter agreed. His left hand was in Draco's hair. He moved it down a bit to tenderly caress his right ear. "I mean, you're such a piece of shit," he added feelingly. "I kinda want to jam my wand through your eyeball." He leaned forward to kiss him again, the rickety wooden bench they shared creaking a little under their shifting weight. The fragile magical warmth of the courtyard outside the ball was barely holding the winter air at bay. Draco didn't care. The kiss wasn't angry or anything. It was a perfectly legitimate snog.

And it wasn't as though he liked Potter. He didn't even particularly like _boys._ It was just that he and Potter needed to snog. They could go back to hating each other later. When he finally leaned back away from Potter, he looked up at the sky. The warming charms on the courtyard were fading. His breath was coming out fogged.

"You're not expecting to... to date me, are you?"

"Screw off, Potter," Draco answered. 

"Oh, thank god, you hate me," Potter sighed. "Get out of here before I hex you, you twat."

+----+

"You know what," Draco shot back as Potter sat there holding his injured arm out and smiling like he'd won, "the Manor. You little shit."

+----+

"This is stupid even for you," Draco muttered.

"Shut up, you absolute fucking dickhole." Potter rammed his tongue past Draco's lips again. Getting pulled into the cellar as soon as Potter recognized him had not been in Draco's plans for today, but he had to admit it was kinda nice. Heaven only knew what Potter's friends thought was happening. Probably that they were struggling to get hold of Draco's wand. He checked his pocket to make sure it was still there. It rolled under his fingers, reassuringly solid. Potter's hands grabbed his. 

"I've been wanting to do this for months. Months, Malfoy." Potter dived in again, pulling Draco's hands up above his head as he kissed him. Draco pulled away for a moment, and Potter went on. "Worst part of not being at Hogwarts."

Draco pushed back, flipping them over against the wall so that Potter's back was pressed to the chill stone. "Sorry you, I've been at home all year," he responded. He kissed Potter again, nibbling at his lower lip. They slowly came apart, and then Potter punched him. Draco fell backwards a few steps.

"Fuck you! At home? I've been in a fucking tent that smells like cat piss! I hope your asshole absorbs your entire body, you utter cumstain!"

+----+

Potter kicked Draco in the shins. It hurt, a lot. "The Room of Requirement. Fifth year."

"Which time?" Draco growled.

"The ones where no one even came close to catching us, of course. What time do you think, trollbrain?"

+----+

Draco rounded the corner and crowed in triumph as a flash of motion led into the Room of Requirement. He went through before the door could close, laughed when he saw Potter, and slammed him up against the wall.

"Oh, fuck you," Potter growled.

"Blow me, dipshit," Draco snapped. He followed up by kissing Potter, because _of course he did,_ and Potter kissed him back, but they had the entire room all to themselves, there was no one there, no way anyone knew where they were, and his hands moved down, fumbled open Potter's belt on their own.

"Fuck you. Suck my dick," Potter huffed, his voice going a little hoarse. Potter returned the favor, and for a few minutes it was silent in the Room of requirement until they were both satisfied and panting.

Draco leaned his head on Potter's forehead. "I really hope I get to kill you one day," he said conversationally.

Potter nodded, out of breath. "You are the worst excuse for a human being I have ever met and I hope you get brain cancer and die."

Draco kissed him one more time and started doing up his trousers. "You might as well keep your dick out, Potter, I intend to jam it down your throat so you choke on it."

Potter, for some stupid reason, closed up his own trousers instead. He opened his mouth to deliver what would probably have been a really choice insult, but just then Umbridge appeared in the little hole she'd made in the wall. Draco blanched as she crowed "You've cornered him, Malfoy!"

+----+

Draco opened his mouth to reply and then sighed. "I... no, you have me there. Damn. I hate you. I really just... I should have broken your other arm."

Potter smirked. Damn him.

"What were you going to say before Umbridge showed up, anyway?"

"Oh, fuck you, it was fifteen years ago," Potter yelled.

Draco sighed and pushed Potter so that he fell backwards off the rock he was sitting on. He stepped over to look down. Potter was staring up at the ceiling. "Aren't you married?" he asked.

Draco shrugged. "Divorce is going through. You and the Weasley Thing have a bit of an open thing, right?"

Potter shrugged. "More or less. Get down here. Your kneecaps are wide open and I'll kick them right out. I swear I will.

"I am going to feed you to the dragons," Draco said calmly as he knelt down and planted a bold kiss on Potter's lips.

+----+

As the dragon keepers rescued them, Potter looked up at the sky. He let Ron pull away the anti-apparation jinx and sighed with relief. "Oh, Malfoy," he said.

Draco glared at him and seriously considered hiring someone to kill him. "What?"

"At least I have enough dick to choke on," Potter said smugly.

Malfoy felt his face slowly shading to _purple._ "YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU REMEMBERED THE WHOLE TIME!"

Potter just laughed and apparated away.

Merlin, he was horrible.

**Author's Note:**

> I laughed so hard when I was done writing this. I just... I don't even know...


End file.
